Today was a dirty chai starbucks day, venti breve with an extra shot; ridiculous.
Sometimes my extraness is too late, sometimes it’s too early… but… to be sure it’s always there (cringe) and my negative pocketbook is our proof that the spending nearly always goes towards things that cant really last.
All the while, the things that do need the lasting and dedicated hand… relationships, family…jobs…I sabotage with a seeming concentrated effort.
I have boiled this vicous cycle down to one thing; I have this subconscious (no longer sub) goal of zero responsibility.
Somewhere down the line this became my aim; probably to survive my situational depression; my adjustment disorder with trauma; its strange because in all reality most people have been through far worse than I have and they are well and able to overcome the obstacles and move on from what simply cannot be changed; the past.
It is my choice to hold onto and ruminate about the things that only seem to trigger me. It is my choice to remain unsolved and preoccupied with my own thoughts.
When it comes to the numbers four and five they are sometimes (I have found in my limited but obsessive study of numerololy) characterized by water and fire; four and five represents ☯; the basis of the four dimensional 🌎 it really isnt about the two…it is also about the contrasting dot within each…and then the fifth dimension might be the backround or the firmament everything is contained within (negative space)…just some junk foid for thought
sam's entree 